Breyona really had me fucked up. The worst part about it was that I was feeling her and wanted more from her, but she can cancel all that shit. If she had been honest with me from the jump, I would’ve kept shit between us strictly sexual.
I damn sure wouldn’t have been sliding in her raw like she was mine. The first time it happened, we agreed to be more careful, but then it happened again, and eventually, it became our norm.
I didn’t want to go back to my sister and brother-in-law’s house because I was in a pissy mood and didn’t want to take my anger out on anyone, especially Bug, my sister Hayven. She was three months pregnant and extremely hormonal.
I needed a drink, but I didn’t feel like being around people, so I drove around until I calmed down and then headed home. When I walked into the house, I heard little feet, and I braced myself because my niece was known for tackling me like a linebacker when I came into the house.
“Unkie H! You’re home!” Xania said, running full speed into my legs.
I picked her up. “What did your mama tell you about running in the house?”
“To not to.”
“So, why do you do it?”
She shrugged. “Come play dollies with me, please?”
I laughed. “Gimme a minute. Where’s everybody?”
“X is with daddy in the backyard building the swing set, and mama is somewhere. Daddy told me to leave her alone and to be quiet since I wanted to watch TV.”
“Okay. Go back to the living room, and I’ll come play dollies with you in a few minutes.”
I put Xania down on her feet and went upstairs. I dropped my duffle bag off in my room and then went to check on Bug. I knocked on their cracked bedroom door and I heard Bug shuffling around.
“Come in, bro.”
“Yea, this baby just doesn’t like food right now. You good though? You look like something is wrong.”
“Did you know Bre had a fiancé?”
“I’m sorry, a whet?”
“Fiancé. His name is Marquis.”
“Wayment! She’s engaged to that poo ass boy?” Bug kissed her teeth. “No, I didn’t know. When I asked her about him before y’all started up, she said that he was in Cali for work and they had grown apart. I took that to mean that they broke up NOT that they were engaged. How’d you find out?”
“He showed up at her place two hours ago trying to figure out why she wasn’t at their place. I left, and we’re here now.”
“I’m sorry, bro. If I knew anything about it, I would’ve kept you two apart.”
“It’s cool. It’s not anybody’s fault except hers. If you need me, I’ll be downstairs playing dollies with Nini.”
Bug laughed. “That lil’ girl has you wrapped around her finger.”
“I remember doing the same thing for you,” I rubbed her lil’ pudge and made my exit.
I made my way back downstairs and into the kitchen to make a sandwich. After eating, I played dollies and watched TV with Nini until X and Lil’ Man came into the house. While X cooked dinner, I bathed the kids.
Afterward, we all sat and ate together. Once the kids went to bed, I went into the backyard and had a beer. I really wanted to blow one, but the way my P.O. was set up, I was not trying to be back in jail for violating my parole.
Bre was the first woman in years that I had developed feelings for. When I was in jail, there were several girls from my hometown who made the trip to visit me, hoping that it would get them some type of title from me. None of them were worth shit, except Jessalyn.
At thirty-three years-old, I didn’t know what love was, so I can’t say that I was in love with her or Bre, but I cared for them both in different ways.
We had an understanding for years, but after I was sentenced, shit changed. Jess found out she was pregnant and decided she wasn’t going to raise a child by herself for fifteen years. She also decided that she wasn’t going to be making trips back and forth just so that I could have a relationship with our child through plexiglass.
I couldn’t be mad at her because I completely understood where she was coming from. I told her I would support whatever decision she made and that I would be there for her. Before she could even get an abortion, she miscarried. After that, she ended things permanently between us.
I didn’t hear from her for two years after the miscarriage. Then she hit me up telling me she had to get herself together. We kept in touch most of the time that I was locked up. I wanted to get up with her now that I was out, but I didn’t know if that was such a good idea.
I was going to do what I should’ve been doing from jump, which was to get myself together and focus on getting out of Bug and X’s house.